Je t'aime
by zaphyrus of the moon
Summary: Before he confess his love for her, he needs to know what love is firstNxM ill be finishing this story, don't worry
1. Hey, do you love me?

I don't own Gakuen alice

Chapter 1:

* * *

Now I have a predicament.

How would you convince a boy who has been screwed by fate: his family burned down, his identity shadowed, his friends threatened to be killed, his alice coaxed to destroy, his innocence disregarded- to love?

Yes, love. It may seem absurd for him to be aware that such a word exists considering all that I said.

So how will he be taught to love?

Is life all too dim for him now that the light of affection and care would appear a mere scrap to him? Let's face it, it's hard enough to love when you can, how much more when you can't, or you're not allowed to? Like I said, his friends were being threatened to be killed, if the demands of those who try to control him are not met. And so how does he solve this? By simply not having friends at all.

Sounds simple enough, but no, I goes way beyond that.

Seeing as they've somehow lost a form of hostage to manipulate their victim, the said jerks resorted to a more general means.

If the boy does not comply accordingly, those around him- friend and stranger alike- will be the one to suffer the consequence.

Now, it may seem unnecessary to protect those whom you don't even know. That is, if you're a cold-hearted person.

But the boy is no cold-hearted person.

Deep inside, he's bursting with a desire to protect, and unfortunately, the jerks are aware of this. They know that the boy would not want anything to happen to anyone. They know that he cannot stand the see those around him to suffer the same fate as he does.

So, he's cornered once again.

With his will to resist broken and with the fear of lost haunting him every moment, he goes on in life. Such life now he spends in coldness, in the dark, in the unreachable channels of his soul. He shut himself from the world. The real him is best hidden where it would not get hurt, or be able to hurt anyone by his kindness.

Instead of risking to lose them by trying to protect them, he submitted, and hurt those around him himself. At least for him, the knowledge of their presence and their hope-filled life still exist. Life goes on for them, even without him.

Such a tragic fate he thread.

Again, how will you teach this boy to love?

In the words of Yoda, 'Ridiculous, it looks.'

And I would have to agree, but hopeless, definitely not. Hope exists where life still takes its breath. And be it his intention of letting others live their life, he must not let go of that hope to regain his own.

Ah, but the roads of man is not all cruel.

In the twisting strands of destiny, he comes across with a certain girl, who, by her sweetness and energy, showed him an abstract power he has never imagined.

It was the power to push, without controlling.

It was the power to touch, without hurting.

It was the power to embrace, without choking.

And it was the power to hold, without causing any fear or suffering.

In this girl was the only hope left for the boy.

With her push, he will be motivated to fight on in life. With her touch, he will feel the gentleness and affection he most rightly deserves. With her embrace, he will feel the warmth and security that will protect him from all his fears. And with her hold, he shall endure, he shall be confident of her continued presence, and he shall learn to trust others.

But that is all in the near future.

For now, let us see how he reacts to her.

* * *

We find our boy under the tree of definitive value- a napping area.

But lately, he has done more than take a nap here. This place now holds memories that are dear to him.

Anyway, on to our character.

"…"

"Natsume?" the girl I talked about is beside him, poking his seemingly sleeping form.

"…" he stirred, but didn't bother removing the manga from his face.

"Hey, Natsume? Please wake up."

"…" still nothing.

"Natsume, this is important." She continued poking him with her point finger. Trust me, you yourself will be annoyed if you imagine this scene perfectly.

"Natsume…"

"What is wrong with you, woman? Can't you recognize peace and quite when you hear it?" he finally reacted, obviously weak against the ability of this girl to annoy people.

"Hmm... What does peace and quite sound like, huh?" she asked so innocently, so sweetly and so cutely the author pinched her cheeks. Anyway, the boy gave a sigh. This is one of their highly technical conversations that end up with her having more questions than the answers he has given.

"Hush, listen…" he said, pointing to the wind and with his content, making the girl still for a while.

"I don't hear anything." She said

"Exactly! That's what peace and quite is! Now shut up and let me get some sleep!" mean, ain't he? But he has a good reason. If the girl talks, she'll talk a lot and after she gets tired, she goes away and eats. But if she doesn't talk, she'll just sit down with him for as long as he's asleep. At that, he'll just enjoy her presence. This is the real peace and quite he's referring to.

He leaned back against the tree.

"Hmp, just because it's quite doesn't mean it's peaceful! Beh!" the girl stated, then stuck out her tongue. Nevertheless, she settled down and no longer bothered the boy. Much to his delight, moreover, she just sat that, not motioning to leave. He secretly looks at her. She's so pretty, he thought, and the author thought too. But the pout on her face insults that. He felt a bit guilty. Perhaps he shouldn't always disregard her like what he did.

"You it's something important." He began, "You have 3 minutes to explain."

With her face still pouting, she looked at him, then scooted closer. The gesture surprised the boy, but didn't show it.

"Natsume,"

"What?"

She scooted even closer. Now their face to face. His heart was racing, his face burning, and his will not to do anything nasty was slipping away.

"Natsume, do you love me?"

And that question simply worsened the situation. His eyes turned as big as a plate, and his hand, usually relaxed, now grips soil and grass from the floor.

"Mikan, I…"

"Do you love me, Natsume?"

She repeated, though wasn't needed, because the boy got the message perfectly. He didn't know how or what to answer, however. Was the girl more mature than he thought her to be?

"Mikan," he finally began after starring to those lovely sparkling orbs of her, "Mikan, why, why are you asking me this?"

For a moment there, he regretted answering the question with another question, but it was the only way he could divulge the girl's real mind-set on the question.

But then the girl smiled, a very beautiful smile at that, and with as much energy as she would have on a bright sunny day…

"I'm asking because I don't know what love is!"

Enter strong dessert wind and at their back flew a giant dust ball.

Natsume felt like being flushed down the toilet. Like a fool he thought Mikan was having feelings for her.

"You idiot! You should've asked me what love is then!!" he said sharply, after recovering from his blushes.

"Well, I thought if you say that you love me, then I would know what love is."

Presto, the blushes are back again. Way to go, girl!

Natsume turned away his face, praying that this girl would be sooo thick that the earth would worship her.

"And how would that help you define what love is, huh polka dots?"

"Don't call me that! If you say that you love me, then love would have to be teasing, being mean, pepping under my skirt, pushing me around, and not listening to me."

The stung it gave him hurt badly. He resisted the urge to grab his chest to make sure his heart is still intact.

"But Mikan, those are…" he tried to explain, and even attempted to apologize, but he was immediately cut off.

"But love would also be the hidden kindness, the Mr. 'Im-so-cool-you-look-like-dirt' look that scares bullies, the smartness in school, the warm hug, the protection, the feeling of security, the boost on confidence…"

"Wait a minute! And when did I hug you?"

"Oh just the other night, when we were watching the fireworks. I said I was cold, and you surprised me when you suddenly placed you arms around my waist. It felt nice, thanks a lot!"

That did it. He know he'll lose his blood in his legs, because apparently, all of it were on his face.

"Anyway," she continued, "I'm right, aren't I? that would have to be love. That is, if you Do love me."

He wanted to say yes, I do love you, but that would be suicidal for his reputation. At least for now, he would have to set his emotions right.

"Mikan, love is an abstract term. You don't look at it in one way. You see it in different angles."

"So, love is not in what I said?"

"Maybe it is," he tried to divert from the fact that all that she mentioned was indeed done with his love for her, "but we can't be sure now, can we?"

A moment of silence. She just sat there, with an unusual light of thinking in her pretty eyes. Then she sparked up again.

"Hey, Natsume, will you find out what love is for me?"

"And why the heck would I do that if you could do it yourself?"

"Oh, I'd be finding it out, too. That way, we'll have different angles to look at, like what you just said."

"Mikan, that's…"

"Thanks Natsume, you're the greatest. Muah!"

Before he could even protest, she gave him a quick, yet hear-felt peck on his cheek, then ran off. This left him dumb-struck. He reached towards that touched cheek. He couldn't believe what just happened. The small figure of the girl was soon lost in the vastness of the academy, and he was left to himself.

"Darn that ugly, stupid, idiotic, polka-dot panty girl!"

No matter how many insults he threw, he couldn't let it ruin the warmth of his feelings. All he could do was lie back on the tree, and swim in the pool of happiness from what Mikan did.

Then a thought came to him. He opened his eyes and stared at the leaves of the tree.

"So what do you mean by love, anyway?"

* * *

End of chapter one

I hope you enjoy this!

I'd appreciate some points of correction, or information

Many thanks!!!


	2. Sake, anyone?

I don't own Gakuen Alice! Phooey! 

Chapter 2: Sake, anyone?

* * *

The sun was bright, the breeze was cool and its economics class- this is the part of the day perfect for lounging on top of a tree. It so happens that this was the agenda of a certain senior.

"Your way too beauuuuuuutifuuul giiiirl. That's whyyyy it'll neeeever work, you'll have meeee suuuiciiiidal, suuuiciiiidal when you saaaay…"

"Seriously? Ok."

"What the- agh! Hyuga you jeeeeerk! Offf… Aw, aw, aw, I can't feel my butt! Why you!"

The fall, or rather push from the tree damaged his pride more than his butt. But hey, can you blame the boy for doing the request?

"If you're here for trouble, all you had to do was ask for it." He said, getting up and dusting himself free of dirt. "Let's get it on, punk!"

"Unfortunately, that's reserved for my other schedule." Natsume said, still assuming his cold and calm exterior.

"So you're here just to make fun of me?" Tsubasa asked.

"Nope, although I won't miss the day without it, making fun of you now is not part of my agenda."

Tsubasa sighed. That boy is sure weird, he thought. But he looks sincere enough.

He realized that this sort of greeting wasn't unusual for the both of them. He loosened his stance and hid his hands in his pockets.

"Then to what do I owe this unpleasant visit?" he said.

"I just wanna ask something." Natsume said, taking a few steps closer.

"Go ahead, but whatever it is your after, I sure won't take part of it." Tsubasa began picking his ear. "Well, fire away."

"What do you mean by love?" Natsume asked.

Tsubasa looked at him, confused and surprised.

"Co-come again?" he asked, hoping to make it clearer for him.

"My God, the academy's worst than I thought. They're making students deaf now. I asked- what do you mean by love." Natsume repeated.

He stared Tsubasa, hoping to get a quick and understandable answer.

The said boy took a few steps back. Then his face turned red, his cheeks suddenly puffed, and after awhile, let lose waves of laughter the universe has never heard.

"WAHAHAHAHA!!!! AHAHAHAHA! O GOD, WAHAHAHA!"

"What the hell are you laughing at?" Natsume asked, annoyed and embarrassed.

"YOU! AHAHAHA! Oh Natsume, you clown! Ahahahaha!" Tsubasa answered, and continued to roll on the grass clutching his belly.

"Man, I didn't come here for this." The annoyed fire-starter got really angry. But temper wasn't something to take the best of him. He just gave a heavy sigh, and then began to walk away, leaving the seemingly insane older still laughing his heart out.

Tsubasa, however, regained control over his own reason. He just couldn't believe that Natsume would ask such a question. But seeing his seriousness, perhaps the boy could've been more in to the deep part.

"Hey, Hyuga!" he called.

"What?" Natsume answered, still annoyed. As he turned around to face the caller, he's agile hand caught a fist-sized bottle that was heading his way.

Natsume looked at it, and then wondered.

"Sake?" he raised an eyebrow at Tsubasa. "Thanks, but I still have some people to talk to. We'll drink some other time if that's what you like."

"That's my answer to your question." Tsubasa said, before Natsume could throw back the bottle.

"Huh?"

"Natsume," Tsubasa began, "when you drink sake, you get drunk. When you're drunk, you can't take full control of you're body. When you don't have full control of your body, you tend to do things only the deepest corner of your soul could do, and you become honest, too honest."

"Where are you getting at this?" Natsume asked.

"Being in love is like getting drunk. You can't think straight, simply because you don't have to. You let your body be where your heart wants to go, you say what you really want to say, and you do what you really want to do."

"And you're telling me that's love?"

"I'm telling you that's my own meaning of love."

Natsume was quite. He was thinking, his face serious and computing.

Tsubasa watches Natsume as he processes everything. It made him smile the way he matured this past year. He's more subtle, less gloomy, and from time to time Tsubasa could even see him laugh or at least smile with Ruka and the others.

"Well?" he said, interrupting Natsume's thoughts.

"You know what, Tsubasa?" Natsume said, suddenly looking sneakily at him.

"What? Argh!"

Natsume suddenly tackled him down, and took him into an arm lock.

"I didn't believe a darn thing you said!" Natsume was kidding of course. He was just amazed of how much a big brother Tsubasa can sometimes be, even though the boy was still a big jerk for him.

"Ak, ak, yo-your choking me!" Tsubasa said. After a moment, he felt the hold loosen a bit.

"Hey, Tsubasa." Natsume said, still having the senior's name in his arms.

"What?"

"Thanks, I mean it." Natsume said, rather softly. Tsubasa still heard him, though.

"No problem, punk." Tsubasa said, with a smirk.

_Alright, so love is getting drunk. Doesn't sound right, does it? Well, that's what an older guy thinks, why not?_

_In any case, he may be right. _

_Just the other month, there was a party at Yuu's dormitory. The kid just got the top star rank, and he was so happy._

_There were lots of tasty food, but few invited people. He wanted to keep the fun to his classmates, and to some teachers. _

_But the whole place got full marks. The good thing about having an alice of illusion is you don't have to decorate. All you have to do is think about some cool scenery and there you have it, instant background._

_And that's what Yuu did. He chose a sunset scene, and all the guess got a so comfy about it. _

_At night fall, though, everything got wild. Koko meddled with the stereo and before we knew it, some of us were dancing like crazy._

_Scratch that, we were all dancing like crazy, except me of course. Even Ruka was shaking his hips with the music, matching Yuu's and Mikan's noodle dance. They were all having such fun. And yeah, Hotaru got in the groove too. She grabbed Ruka, surprise as he was and they were all it._

_I just sat there, happy enough for them. I told myself this was the sort of thing I would die to protect. I was about to go sentimental and stuff when Mikan suddenly dragged me in the open space._

"_C'mon Natsume, dance with me!" she said, giggling _

"_Shoo, girl! I don't dance!" true enough, though dancing with her wasn't so bad of an idea. _

"_Well, now you will! C'mon!" _

_As usual, I was left powerless from this idiotic personification of noise and trouble. But just to humor her, or to try it for once, I did join her in her tossing and swaying and turning._

_She was holding my hand as she jumps and sways from side to side. Yeah, she looked really cute, all being childish like that. _

_After awhile, I found myself laughing as well. I felt sweat drop from my forehead, then I realized I was having so much fun! Having Mikan dance in my arms, tossing her in the air and gently catching her- it was so exhilarating. It was something I've never felt before- contented, unsearching, secured, and just simply happy._

_Then, after realizing some of us were loosing much energy, even though none of us noticed it, Koko changed the wild, energetic music into a slow and mellow one. _

_We all stoped, some sat down, but I saw Mr. Narumi and that, fortune teller, forgot her name, took each other in their arms and did a slow dance. The same thing happened with Ruka and Hotaru. _

_When I looked at Mikan, she was smiling bashfully at me. Could she be thinking…"_

"_You tired?" I asked._

"_Nope. You?" she said._

_I simply smirked at her. I noticed she hesitated a bit, but when she was raising her hand to place it around my neck, I did the initiative of putting my arms around her waist. Her eyes sparkled, I saw, and I was glad I could make her happy like this. We stared at each other for a while, and our bodies were moving with the music._

_At that time, nothing else mattered. _

_The world around me seemed to have vanished. Every thing was insignificant. Only me and Mikan, together, with the moon, or at least the moon Yuu made, shining on us. _

_I felt so happy, so indulged. _

_She leaned her head on my chest, and I felt my heart beating fast. But, strange, I didn't feel like I was blushing. My heart beating wasn't something out of infatuation, but out of pure bliss. _

_I held her close, not wanting to make her feel any pain of the world. all my mind told me that she was there, she was with me, she was in my arms, and all the world had to offer was nothing compared to this moment._

_It wasn't like me to dance around like I did._

_It wasn't like me not to throw pranks at her._

_It wasn't like me to stay on that dance floor, with my friends and with the one I care for._

_It wasn't like me to ask is she's tired._

_I was drunk. Drunk like nothing else mattered, like all I could do was what my heart tells me to do. _

_Tsubasa, you moron._

_You were right._

* * *

End of chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews! I'll do the credits at later chapters!


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